athelstanthescribe | (no subject)

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Athelstan is sitting outside the hall, working on repairing a net that belongs to one of the old fishermen.

Lagertha doesn't need him just now, and it's something useful to do with his hands while he waits for Ragnar, because surely he'll be back any day now.

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"What?" Ragnar says. "Athelstan, no! You're a free man, but I can't do without you!"

He takes a deep breath.

"I know you loved Gyda very much, as if she'd been..."

And he can't go on talking, as he realises he's already speaking of his little lady in the past tense, and this is so wrong, so terribly wrong, his throat closes on the words.

This shouldn't be. It's just wrong, and Athelstan can't leave on top of all that horror...

He pulls the little ex-monk closer and crushes him in a hug that is at once fiercely possessive and bonelessly desperate.

"It isn't that", he says, voice aching. "But you don't see what I see. Where I go, death follows. My parents, my sisters and brothers, my brothers on Lindisfarne, and each time I'm left alive and alone. And now Gyda and Thyri and so many of the townsfolk... what if it isn't over?"

Edited 2015-03-28 19:31 (UTC)

"Athelstan!" Ragnar says, not letting go. "You can't believe that your god has cursed you. But if you want to, we can make any sacrifice for you, to wash off that curse. Our gods are your gods now; they can free you as I have freed you."

He reaches down to touch Athelstan's armring again.

"Perhaps He has." His voice is muffled, face buried in Ragnar's tunic. "Perhaps He saw long ago how I would begin to turn away from Him."

"But we are here to protect you now," Ragnar declares. "We, and our gods."

He crushes Athelstan against his chest, his grief for Gyda painfully mingling with the threat of losing Athelstan.

Gyda, who...

If Ragnar is spilling tears, nobody will see it, except the gods and the seagulls.

Some of the tears land on Athelstan's head, but he doesn't mention them.

"If you wish it, with what I've told you, I will stay. But don't leave me alone in the world, Ragnar Lothbrok, for there would be nowhere left for me to turn."

Edited 2015-03-28 19:59 (UTC)

Ragnar just hugs him for a moment, cradling Athelstan's head against his shoulder. He doesn't trust himself to speak yet.

And Gyda...

He should be with Lagertha. Lagertha lost so much, so fast -- but she is comforting Björn, and he's here with Athelstan.

He can't tell who is comforting whom, only that this is as it should be, and Athelstan can't just leave!

Athelstan leans against him, and if he's weeping too, he knows Ragnar will never tell.

"I'm sorry", he whispers.

Ragnar leans his cheek against Athelstan's hair, finding unexpected strength and solace from his presence, here in his arms.

The seagulls aren't telling on either of them, and the gods keep their counsel.

"I would have traded myself for her, if I could." It's still barely a whisper. "If any god made such bargains."

"I know, Athelstan," Ragnar manages to say. "Gods don't make such bargains. Too much work. We'd all beg for them all the time."

Athelstan nods against his shoulder.

After a while, "We should go home. Lady Lagertha, and Bjorn..."

"Home," Ragnar says.

It's Athelstan's home as well, a strangely warming thought. He is giving a home to those he cares about

"Yes, you are right. They need us."

"There have been too many funerals lately", he says softly, moving to extricate himself but not with any real effort.

If he made an effort, Ragnar would let go of him; like this, he doesn't yet. He will, in a moment. But not yet.

"How many people have died of this plague?" he asks. "Who else is dead?"

"Thyri", he says again quietly. "Siggy is... I heard her screams, as my fever was waning. And a score of others." In a small town, that's a lot. "I don't know all their names."

"A plague that goes for the young," Ragnar says, "one that kills the ones with the most potential. If anything, the gods are angry with me, not you."

"Not only the young." He lifts his head to look into Ragnar's face. "And what reason could the gods have to be angry with you?"

"Why are gods ever angry?" Ragnar says. "They just are, like cranky old men with a bad knee, sometimes."

He looks down into Athelstan's clear eyes.

"I an thankful they have given me you," he then declares. "Never leave me, Athelstan!"

"I'll never leave you." It's a promise. "Not if the rest of the world does... or if I must, I will return."

"Always return, Athelstan," Ragnar says, quietly. "I need you."

"Then wait for me. However long I may be gone, if I live, I will find a way back."

You are all my world, is in his thoughts, but he's not daring enough to say it aloud.

"And for now, I am going nowhere."

Edited 2015-03-28 22:09 (UTC)

Ragnar looks down into Athelstan's eyes, then pulls him close again, takes deep breath, then turns his head to lean his cheek once more against Athelstan's hair, a bit awkwardly.

"Good."

Athelstan settles in Ragnar's arms, taking the comfort of it, and leaving the matter of going back to the house for a little while longer.

It is some while until Ragnar says, "You're right, we should go see Lagertha and Björn."